My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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