So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
