I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
