the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
