your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
