you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
