it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
