i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
