One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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