Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
do nipples grow back?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
