so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
