I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
