I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
