it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i have two assholes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
