She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
