We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
