how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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