Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
