I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
