Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
