I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
