i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
