Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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