is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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