i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
