I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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