why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
