Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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