Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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