smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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