I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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