the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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