I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
