apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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