Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
