Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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