Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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