ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
