I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
