Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
