break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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