Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
