Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
