Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
