My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
