FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
