these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
