just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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