My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
