I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
