I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
