I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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