Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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