So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
