so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
